Die flachsten Flachwitze

[z3r0c00l]

Es gibt so viele Sterne am Himmel - Holst du mir einen runter?

[pawlak]

Was ist rosa und behindert?

Ein Flamongo.

[WormHola]

Was hat ein Mann ohne beine?

- Erdnüsse


Was macht man mit einem Hund ohne Beine?

- Durch die Gegend ziehen

[sl1zer]

Israel pulled out of Gaza, Gaza not pregnant!

[psycotic]

Deine Mutter ist so fett, ihr Pony ist grau und hat einen Rüssel.

[Krautstampfa]

When did the Jew drink his beer?

When hebrew it!

[pawlak]

Was ist rot und steht am Kopierer?

Die Paprikantin

[Fr33m4N]

Was ist rosa und behindert?

Ein Flamongo.

lol, den wollte ich auch gerade posten.

Was ist grün, steht am Straßenrand und will Sex?

- Eine Froschtituierte.

[z3r0c00l]

Zwei Skelette sitzen auf dem Baum, als eines runter fällt - beide tot.

[grinsekatze]

Zwei Skelette sitzen auf dem Baum, als eines runter fällt - beide tot.

http://quake.ingame.de/forum/showthread.php?t=194375

[Niko, die Laus]

A man sits at a bar ordering double Whiskey all night. Every time the barman serves him a drink the man pours the drink all over his hand. The bar man is confused, but after all the guy's still paying for the drink. Eventually though the bar mans curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the guy why he's wasting all the booze. The guy replies: "I have to get my date drunk!"



This woman goes into her local bar and orders a Whiskey but unusually decides to stand at the bar instead of taking her usual seat. The bar man asked her "What's up" "Oh nothing" she replied "Its just that I have had some tattoos done on my thighs and they are a bit sore still". "Interesting" says the bar man "what are the tattoos?" "Well one thigh has a Turkey and the other thigh has a Christmas tree". Thinking it unusual the bar man asked "Why?" "Simple" she replies" My husband is always complaining about having nothing nice to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas



An 8-year-old boy is spending some quality time with his father. The little boy asks, "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"
The father thinks about it for a moment before answering. "Well, that depends, son. Before sex, a vagina looks like a beautiful flower -- like a rose with it's petals closed."
"Oh," says the son. "What about after sex?"
The dad hesitates, and says "Well....can you picture a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"



So these two electricians go to the bar every Friday night after work.
Week after week the first, John, gets shot down yet the other, Kirk always takes home some gorgeous girl.
So one Friday at lunch John finally asks Kirk "I don't get it. Every Friday I go home alone and you go home with some good looking young chick. How's that happen?"
"Well, when they ask you what you do for a living what do you tell them?" Kirk asks back
"Well I tell them the truth, that I'm an electrician."
"See there's what your doing wrong, I tell them I'm a lawyer... bitches love that kind of stuff"
So that night John starts talking to a girl and she asks "So what do you do"
"I'm a lawyer" responds John. And that night he goes home with her. After sex they're lying in bed and he's looking up at the ceiling when he just starts laughing.
"What's so funny" she asks
"Oh, it's just that I've only been a lawyer for two hours and I've already fucked somebody"



I walked into the bar the other day and saw a pirate sitting there. And I mean a real pirate: eye patch, hook, peg leg, the whole bit...
So I sat down next to him and asked him: "Sorry, I don't need to be rude but how come you've got a wooden leg?"
He said "Yarr! I was sitting on me deck, with me feet be in the water, shark be there and bit of me leg. So now I have a wooden leg"
"Well, that sucks. But how did you get that hook?"
"Argh! Well I be in a bloody fight, and me hand got cut off. So now I have a hook."
"Wow that truly is amazing, one last question though: Why do you have an eyepatch?"
"Yarr! I lost me eye because a seagull shit in it."
I pissed myself laughing: "Come on man, you can't lose an eye just because a seagull shit in it?!"
"Well, I've only had that hook for about a week..."



An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin,orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me........I've quit drinking!'

[WormHola]

Warum gibts keine Ameisen in der Kirche?
Weil sie "in-Sekten" sind!

[at0x]

Kommt ne Frau beim Arzt

[Ne00ne]

"Weißt Du wer neulich verhaftet wurde?"

"Nein, wer?"

"Der Penis."

"Aha. Und warum?"

"Er hat gestanden."

[sl1zer]

"Weißt Du wer neulich verhaftet wurde?"

"Nein, wer?"

"Der Penis."

"Aha. Und warum?"

"Er hat gestanden."

Aus welchem Film is das nochma?

[CadEx]

"Herr Bademeister, Herr Bademeister, da zerfleischt ein Hai ein Kind!"
"Jaja, das machen die..."


Er war hässlich, Sie war hässlich, die ersten Kinder konnten sie
wegschmeissen

[Affekopp]

Was ist braun, lebt im Wald und kann schlecht schreiben?
Ein Kritzlybär

[Kwaker]

Was ist braun und schwimmt unter Wasser?
Ein U-Brot...

[Brunni]

Geht ein Cowboy zum Friseur... kommt er wieder raus, Pony weg :-P

[Harmonieman]

Eine Inderin und eine Chinesin stehen vor einem Colaautomaten. Wer darf zuerst ne Cola ziehen?

Die Inderin: Punkt vor Strich.

[TheDOot]

was macht ein pirat am computer?
er drückt die enter taste.


___________
WirWinzer.de

[Kwaker]

- Was hüpft durch den Wald und qualmt?
Ein Kaminchen

- Was liegt am Strand rum und kann nicht richtig reden?
Eine Nuschel

[sl1zer]

- Was liegt am Strand rum und kann nicht richtig reden?
Eine Nuschel

- Was ist krank und liegt daneben?
Eine Niesnuschel.

[Kwaker]

- Was ist krank und liegt daneben?
Eine Niesnuschel.

bahahahahahah, der Hammer

[cypheR]

Wie nennt man das Auto eines geisteskranken amerikanischen Landwirtes?

Psychofarmercar

[pawlak]

Wer ist schwarz und kennt sich gut mit Pflanzen aus?

Ein Botanigger

[rock'nR]

deine mutter ist so dumm, die schnallt sich ein bobby-car um den bauch und ruft "TRANSFORMIERT"

deine mutter ist so dumm, die schnallt sich einen staubsauger auf den rücken und singt "GHOSTBUSTERS"

ghihihi

[Adieu]

rock'nR raus! Thread verfehlt

[pawlak]

In welcher Lotterie gibt es eigentlich Gehörlose?

[puffeldiphuu]

Deine Mutter heisst EHEC und leckt an spanischen Gurken!